Closet cliche
by Nival Vixen
Summary: COMPLETE! Ginny's sick of always ending up in a closet with Draco in fan fiction, and protests against it. Weird and fun. Enjoy! SEQUEL UP NOW!
1. The closet

_CHAPTER ONE_

_I was bored... It's random, pointless and weird... Just read and review please!_

Ginny groaned as she read yet another fan fiction work with herself and Draco Malfoy having sex in a closet. She didn't mind that they were shipping herself and him together. Why not tell what was already happening?

Their hormones are governing their brains so much that they don't realise that two people in a closet is not going to work! No matter how they use the magic, it doesn't work in Hogwarts! The Gods know we've tried! Part of Dumbledore's idea to try and keep the no-sex-before-marriage thing working. Not that it did... Although the tapestry spell was the worst. I spent weeks trying to get the cat hair off of me. Thanks to Hermione for giving him that idea!

"Another one?" Draco asked as he walked in, seeing Ginny's thoroughly annoyed face. Ginny smirked and nodded at him.

"Of course. There should be more stories in places other than the closet! Are we portrayed as such horny teenagers that we'll have sex in every place available?" Draco smirked at her.

"Well I didn't hear you complaining last night when we were in the shower. Or this morning in the Quidditch changing rooms. And I am quite sure that you didn't complain yesterday before lunch in the unused classroom," he mused, stroking his chin.

"That's not the point!" Ginny said blushing brightly. "We didn't even go near a closet, yet everyone thinks that the closet is the only place we can find to have sex. Haven't they heard of a bed?" Draco shrugged.

"Probably not... They're Muggles, what do you expect?" Ginny rolled her eyes at him.

"You've really got to get over that. It's getting so old!"  
"When you get over the closet thing, then I'll get over the Muggles stupidity. How about that?" He asked, knowing she wouldn't agree. Ginny glared over at the pile of closet fan fiction, then shook her head.

"All right. You win." Draco smirked and pulled her to a nearby closet.


	2. Another closet

_I forgot! I don't own anything related to Harry Potter..._

_More random-ness. Enjoy! Read and review!_

Ginny smiled as she read a particular fan fiction story. People had been annoyed with the last chapter and her unwillingness for closet-sex, so they all ganged together to write another two fan fictions. One was in a closet, and although it was quite well-written, Ginny burnt it to a pile of ash as soon as she received it. The other story, on the other hand, was not in a closet. It was also written very badly, with spelling, grammar _and_ punctuation mistakes. Ginny didn't care.

"Guess what?" Ginny asked Draco, who had just conveniently walked into the room yet again.

"Malfoy's don't guess," he drawled. Ginny threw a ball at him that just happened to be nearby. Despite his Seeker skills, Draco misssed the ball, and it hit him in the stomach. "All right, _you_ can win this time. What?" he asked, rubbing his stomach to ease the pain.

"There's a story where we _aren't_ in a closet," Ginny said excitedly. Draco smirked and took the parchment from her.

"This is horrible! Look at all of the spelling mistakes! And the grammar and punctuation is atrocious! I can't finish it!" Draco said, screwing the story up into a little ball and throwing it into the fire, which happened to be on, even though it was summer, and it was a boiling hot day.

"NO!" Ginny yelled, (using more than one exclamation point to show how distraught she was) as she tried to retrieve her beloved story from the fiery flames.

Draco shook his head and made the closet story un-burn itself. He started to read it, impressed. Ginny finally got out of the fire, then after making sure she wasn't hurt, she took the closet story, and reburnt it in disgust.

"If you actually _read_ it, you might like it. I thought it was quite good, actually," Draco said smirking at her. "Very... descriptive imagery," he said smirking again. Ginny blushed. "I know of a nearby closet that's always empty..." He added, smirking _still_.

"Oh, all right... But I want a nearby classroom that's always empty for the next chapter," she said. Draco grinned.

"You should already know that in this type of story, there is no such thing..." He said then pulled to the nearby closet that was always conveniently empty.

_I know they're small chapters. You'll live! (Sigh) Just review please..._


	3. Be shocked! A classroom!

_I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter, don't hurt me!_

_Thanks to all and any that reviewed!_

Ginny walked up the corridor and seeing another closet, knocked on the door, then opened it.

_Thank the Gods there's no one in this one!_ she thought with relief. She made a mark on her parchment, then kept walking down the corridor. In the last few closets there had been an abundance of couples.

Not all together, obviously. That would have been impossible. Well, at least highly improbable. Three people could fit, if they were all standing in a particular way and no one wanted to breathe. Depending on the size of each individual they could fit four, if they didn't mind getting squished...

Ginny shook her head at her thoughts. Still, at least she wasn't thinking about _that_. The 'that' in question had occured that very morning while Ginny had been seeing how many closets Hogwarts had, and how many people actually _used_ them... She was bored, Draco was out and it wasn't a Hogsmeade weekend, it wasn't her fault...

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The 'that' in question had started when Ginny searched the dungeons for closets. Surprisingly, they had all been full, but that's not what the 'that' was. The 'that' was this: all of the closets had been full with the same couple! Ginny shuddered.

"I thought you gave back the Time Turner, Hermione!" Ginny had said. Hermione shrugged slightly.

"That's what we wanted you to think," Snape had replied, then closed the closet door.

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Ginny shook her head again then walked up another flight of stairs, not seeing anymore closets. She was going to be as thin as a quill once the day was over!

_Well, maybe not one of Lockhart's quills, because they were always really big and fluffy. I always thought he was compensating for something,_ Ginny thought with a grin. _His teddy bear must be really small!_

Draco shook his head at Ginny, then walked over to her.

"Draco? I thought you were out? Where have you been?" Ginny asked when she saw him walking towards her.

"I was out until the author decided to put me in here to stop you talking to yourself! I was in a nice village in France too. Stupid author," he grumbled.

"You better not be mean to her, she has the power to shrink your... you-know-what," Ginny whispered. Draco paled.

"I mean, what a _lovely_ author she is!" He stopped paling and looked at Ginny. "Why are you counting closets?" He asked.

"I wanted to see how many closets there are in Hogwarts," she replied. Draco shook his head and pulled Ginny over to Hermione Granger, who just _happened_ to be heading to a nearby closet that Professor Snape had been heading to only moments before.

"Granger, tell her how many closets there are in this place," Draco drawled.

"How could you _not_ know? It's in _Hogwarts: A History_!" She said. Draco rolled his eyes at her and waited. Hermione shook her head and sighed. "There's 472 closets. Over the course of a single day, 469 are used by students. The other 3 are used by Filch and various cleaning instruments, though I don't want to think what he does with them..." Hermione said with a shudder. Ginny went green and Draco paled, yet again.

"Hermione? How long does thirty seconds take?" Snape's voice came from inside the closet. Ginny shook her head a lot of times, then walked away dizzily. Draco went a shade of green as he followed her. Hermione slipped inside the closet.

"Well, I know of a classroom that's empty," Draco said smirking at her.

"You still want... After... Even though we just saw... Oh, that is just _wrong_, Draco!" she said shaking her head.

"Well... At least we didn't see him. _That_ would have been wrong," Draco said with a smirk.

"Oh, stop talking about it! Wait, did you say an empty _classroom_?" She grinned. "I'll meet you there in five seconds," Ginny said and rushed into the nearby empty classroom.

_Aren't you all lucky? 3 chapters in one hit! Now review! I deserve to be rewarded!_


	4. The surprise

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter, don't sue...

Ginny looked up from reading some more fan fiction long enough to glare at Draco then went back to reading.

"You're still not happy, I see," Draco said, stating the obvious. Ginny rolled her eyes at him.

"I can not believe you let me walk into that room when it was full of students!" Draco smirked at her.

"It's been three hours, I think you should have gotten over that by now! Besides, it's not my fault you walked into the wrong room! I didn't say _that_ room was the empty one, did I?" Ginny sighed.

"No... I guess you're right," she admitted with a sigh. "It doesn't mean I'm happy about it!"

"Great. I've got a surprise for you," Draco said grinning. Ginny sat up, curious.

"What is it?"

"If I told then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

"Spoil sport," Ginny muttered then followed him out of the room.

Draco led Ginny to a room that wasn't conveniently empty and sat her at a table.

"Why are we in the Gryffindor Common Room? In fact how did you get the password to even get in here?" Ginny asked. Draco shrugged.

"No idea. I just walked and we ended up here... Hmm... Maybe I can torment some first years while I'm in here," he said smirking as he looked around. Every first year suddenly disappeared from the room. "Oh well," Draco sighed.

"Back to the original reason as to why you brought me here... I believe I have a surprise?" Ginny asked.

"Malfoy! What are you doing here? How'd you even get in here?" Ron asked.

"I've already been through this... I don't know. I just walked and I was suddenly in this room with my girlfriend," Draco said. Ron's eyes bulged and his face went a bright red.

"I think he's forgotten how to breathe..." Hermione said from nearby. Draco and Ginny were almost certain she hadn't been there a second ago...

"Shouldn't you be off in one of the 453 closets somewhere with Snape?" Ginny asked.

"For your information, there are _472_ closets, not 453!" Hermione shrilled. Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Uh huh..."She said, uninterested. "Go away. I'm supposed to be getting a surprise," she said glaring at them for ruining everything.

"Surprise? I like surprises!" Harry said, coming out of no where. Ginny jumped into the air.

"All of you go away! This is my surprise, not yours! Go!" she yelled. Everyone left quickly. Ginny looked around and realised that Draco had left too. "Not you, Draco! get back here!"

Draco walked back into the room and smirked when he saw Ginny hanging there in mid air.

"Oh, stop smirking and get me down from here. I want my surprise, damn it!" She said crossly. Draco grabbed Ginny's ankle and pulled her down so she was standing on the ground.

"Your surprise isn't in here... It's somewhere else," Draco said. "And before you say anything, it's not my fault we ended up here!"

"Fine... I just want my surprise," Ginny said and followed him out of the Gryffindor Common Room.

They arrived in a different room and once Draco had checked that it was the right room, led her over to a nearby conveniently empty closet for her 'surprise'.

_Sorry for the short episode... It will be updated soon! Review!_


	5. Negotiations & the real surprise

Disclaimer: _Unfortunately I do not own __Draco_ _Malfoy_ _... Or __Harry_ _Potter_ _, but who really cares about him? _:smirk:

_Thanks to everyone who's reviewed... Sorry for not updating sooner everyone! Now that I have then you can all be happy and read on!_

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Draco glared at the closet, which had suddenly changed form. They were in the wrong room yet _again_!

"That's it! I quit! I refuse to come back into this story unless the bloody author gets her act together! I want to go to a freaking closet, Gods damn it!" Draco said angrily.

"Does this mean I don't get my surprise?" Ginny asked frowning at him.

"Until I can get into the right room, then no, you don't get your surprise!" Draco said.

"Then I quit too!" Ginny said angrily and they both stormed out of the room and out of the story...

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_While you are all wondering if it is possible for characters to quit a story, we are experiencing small technical difficulties, so if you will please wait while the author gets her act together and finishes negotiating the story with the two main characters, then the story will come back soon..._

_Music floats onto the page that sounds exactly like elevator music._

_Three hammers come out of nowhere and smash the elevator music beyond recognition._

_This is not promoting violence towards any music pieces at all, as elevator music is not really music, just subliminal messages designed to drive people crazy!_

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Draco and Ginny walked back into the room. Draco looked happy while Ginny on the other hand, looked extremely disappointed.

"First I don't get my surprise, and _now_ I have to go into a closet... Come on, where's _my_ say in this story! I'm the one who started it off!" Ginny grumbled.

"Yes, but without me then there'd be no story to start with, because then you wouldn't have any closet fan fiction to complain about," Draco said smirking at her.

"Yeah, then I'd have to complain about the fictions with me and Harry ," she said shuddering. "And you'd get stuck with Hermione!" Ginny said laughing at him.

"Now that is wrong... I'd rather Snape and Granger together!" Draco replied, turning green.

"Well, it's either you with Hermione, or you have to be put in slash fictions with Harry ," Ginny crowed, feeling much happier now.

"Shut up or I'll organise for someone to put you with your brother..." Draco growled and Ginny went green.

"Wrong! So very, very wrong!" She shuddered. "Well, at least it's not me with Snape... Hermione can have him!" She said.

"Thank you!" Hermione's voice said from a nearby closet that had just appeared out of thin air.

"Ok, we're moving _away_ from that closet," Ginny said, moving away, looking at the closet warily.

"Did you still want your surprise?" Draco asked changing the very bad subject they were already on.

"Yes!" Ginny said happily, and then followed him to another room to yet again, try and get her surprise...

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Draco arrived in the right room this time, and sighed thankfully before letting Ginny enter before him.

Ginny looked around the room, amazed at the amount of red and gold balloons that could fit into the one room.

Draco went over to the lone green balloon in the middle of the room and popped it with his wand, causing Ginny to jump.

"Would you tell a person next time when you're going to make something go bang?" She asked irritably. "What are you doing on the floor?" She asked as he got on one knee. "Why do you have to be on one knee? Why can't you stand up and ask me?" Ginny muttered.

"You're complaining about me asking you to marry you?" Draco asked in disbelief.

"Only a bit... Ok, you can ask now," Ginny said grinning at him.

"You just spoiled the entire thing..." Draco muttered under his breath.

"I heard that," Ginny replied glaring at him.

"Well, you did spoil it!" Draco said indignantly.

"Oh, fine... Looks like we're going to have to do this my way then..." Ginny said, kneeling down beside him. "Will you marry me?" She asked.

"Yes," Draco said kissing her. "That wasn't part of the deal... I'm supposed to ask you!" He said, pulling away.

"Hey, you get the closet, I get to propose!" Ginny said smirking. "You know what this means, right?" She asked.

"No, what does this mean?"

"It means I get to have sex on a bed and not in a closet! The honeymoon _has_ to be on a bed at least once!" Ginny said gleefully.

"Yeah, once that night and then we're doing it everywhere but," Draco said smirking.

Ginny's face fell as she thought of all of the closets that her fiancée and soon-to-be husband was sure to drag her into during the honeymoon _and_ after...

"How about a deal then?" She asked grinning as an idea formed. "I get to have sex with you in a _real_ bed with the mattress and pillows and sheets and quilts if necessary, _at least_ three days a week... Then the rest of the week you get to pick... Deal?"

"If it'll make you happy, and if I get sex," Draco said smirking as he held out his hand for her, Ginny shaking it eagerly.

"Done... You know what would make me happy right about now?" She asked sweetly. "Getting off of this bloody floor! We've been kneeling here for about ten minutes and my knees are _killing_ me!" Ginny grumbled.

They got off the floor and went back to their room, past the 453 closets...

"_472 _closets!" Hermione interrupted.

Right...

They went to their room past the **_472 _**closets, (three of which are used by Filch and his cleaning instruments, and the other 469 closets are used by Hermione and Snape at random times of the day (sometimes at all times of the day if they use their Time Turner correctly)); then they went past the Gryffindor Common Room where Ron and Harry turn up out of the blue for no reason (it's also where Ron goes red every time Ginny is with Draco)...

They went past the empty classroom that was full of students, before turning in to the room where the fireplace is burning during the middle of summer on a boiling hot day, the good closet fan fiction is liked by Draco and burnt by Ginny, while the bad closet fan fiction is liked by Ginny and burnt by Draco, and where there was one closet and one bed that they would use forever, as per their agreement until they graduated from Hogwarts (or when Dumbledore got enough sense to kick them out of the castle, whichever came first)...

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_Is it the end? I have no idea until someone reviews and tells me if it's the end or not... (Very :subtle: hint for you to review...) Should I do their marriage? That would be _hilarious_! Now, again, look at my very subtle hint to review... REVIEW! Subtle, wasn't it? _:-)


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